Returning to Inanna After Breast Cancer: My Transformational Story

This video is inspired by the Ishtarfest 2024 presentation “Become your own (s)hero like Ishtar with transformational stories” by Lori Angel Nagel. I used her transformational story template to tell my story of how my breast cancer journey brought me closer to Inanna.

Rod and Ring: An Initiation Into a Mesopotamian Mystery Tradition – An Overview of My Experience

I know I’ve written a bit about my experiences working through Rod and Ring here, but I wanted to talk about it a bit on my YouTube channel as well. This video is an over view of the initiatory journey and a little bit about some of my experiences going down this path.

How the 3 of Swords Confirmed My Belief in Tarot (and Other Thoughts on Breast Cancer)

I know I wrote an article about this for HubPages a while ago. I’m not sure if I posted the link to that article here or not, but I thought it would be an interesting topic for my YouTube channel, so I also made a video about it.

Reflections on Ishtarfest 2024

I made a short video to reflect on my experiences at Ishtarfest 2024. I mainly talk about the rituals that I was able to participate in and what I liked about them, and a little bit about the other programming too.

I still have to verify my ID before I can add the links to the description on YouTube, but here are the links related to the event and the groups I mentioned in the video:

Ishtarfest (Presented by Hands of Change)

Circle of Inanna, part of Circle of Stars Mystery School (Contact Prisca for more information, her website appears to be undergoing renovations right now, so this link is for the Facebook page).

Temple of Inanna and Dumuzi (send them a message on Facebook to get the Zoom link and join email list).

Quick Tarot Spread to Communicate with Deities (video)

I made a second video for my YouTube channel today. Well, technically I filmed it yesterday and finished putting it together today. Its a short tarot reading to connect with the Goddess Inanna to ask her how she feels about the idea of me making a YouTube channel to talk about my spiritual journey and my relationship with Her.

I do have a more in-depth spread that I usually use to communicate with Her. I believe I’ve posted about it here before, but I’ll probably do a video explaining it too one of these days. For my first tarot video, I wanted to use a smaller spread.

I think for tarot videos, I’m going to stick to showing different spreads using an example reading for myself. I’m not really into the “general reading for whoever happens to see it” videos that a lot of people make.

Rod and Ring – Descent: The 7 Gates

This month I did the second part of the descent rituals for Rod and Ring. Technically I did it a day earlier than I was supposed to because I wanted to see what would happen if I did it on the night of the solar eclipse. And I think I made the right choice for me. I think adding that energy into my ritual gave it a bit of extra power. To me, the moon eclipsing the sun kind of represents the hidden mysteries coming to the forefront over what is normally revealed in every day life. So it seemed like a good time to do work relating to the underworld.

At the first gate, I had to relinquish my light/fire. The book didn’t give any actual physical actions to symbolize this, but in the moment I felt like I was supposed to extinguish the candle on my altar that I use to represent myself (or sometimes mortality in general – it’s in a pink skull candle holder), so I did that. I set up my altar the same way I do for my daily devotional and magickal workings, and just add whatever else I need for the Rod and Ring work, so I already had it burning.

Then, for each of the rest of the gates, I felt like I had to give up something physical as well, so I removed the pieces of jewelry that I thought best corresponded with each gate. Except for gate six, in which I had to give up my “song,” so I turned off the background music I was using and did the rest of the ritual with no sounds except the ritual words. I don’t read the actual ritual text ahead of time because I like it to be as immersive as possible, but if I had, I think I would have prepared the items to “give up” a little bit better. Though I guess it might have been better this way, not knowing ahead of time that I would be physically removing things (though I’ve read the descent myth a billion times, so it really shouldn’t have been a surprise).

I stopped to meditate on each gate for quite a while before proceeding to the next. After the ritual, I stayed at my altar in meditation for a while and I think I did pass out for a bit, and then I got really sick and threw up. I’m only documenting that so if anyone is thinking about starting this journey, you’ll be aware of how it can affect you physically. It’s probably not a journey for everyone to undertake, but I’m glad I’m doing it.

The book said to do each of the underworld sections three months apart, but I was talking to Prisca, the priestess who runs Circle of Inanna, and she said that Samuel David said it was ok to do the three rituals over three months total. The last couple days, I’ve been thinking over if I want to keep my House of Dust ritual three months after the 7 Gates, or just do it on the next new moon. I think I’m going to keep it for July as I had originally planned. I have two reasons for this:

First, I’m going to be exploring some caves just before I have this ritual planned, and I think keeping the sensory memory from that experience fresh in my mind will add an extra dimension to the ritual. Kind of like how I used my time at Kalahari in the first part of Descent back in January when I crossed the river.

Second, keeping it scheduled how I have it planned mirrors my cancer treatment journey from a couple years ago, which began in January and ended in July. And I think an intentional journey through the underworld that mirrors the same time frame is going a long way in helping me to integrate and come to terms with that very much unwanted “underworld” experience.

I know some Mesopotamian polytheists have a problem with interpreting the myths in a psychological way like that, but myths are first and foremost stories – the oldest stories – and stories are meant to be interpreted in many different ways. There’s no one “correct” interpretation or one “correct” way to work with any particular myth. In some of my classes for my English/Creative Writing degree, we were expected to read and analyze stories from many different perspectives. Of course 5000 year old myths can be approached from many, many, many different perspectives! Maybe some of the more mainstream modern religions like Christianity take a mythic literalist approach where they believe each of their biblical myths literally happened and can mean only one thing, but I feel like that is nonsensical and would miss the point of paganism entirely. That’s just not how literature works! And in my opinion, myths in particular are humans’ interpretations of divine energies and how they interact with each other, not something that literally happened, though a lot of them might be loosely based on actual historical events and people.

Oh, and the solar eclipse itself was amazing! I watched it from the front patio at work, and I wish I would have planned better and taken the day off to watch it from home, but it was still an amazing and awe-inspiring experience. I think my favorite part was getting to see Venus in the middle of the day! Of course I had to stop to pray to Inanna (silently in my head – I don’t need to subject coworkers and children to my religious practices. Take note, conservatives!)

And I could see Jupiter too! I think Jupiter is my second favorite planet after Venus. I have a weird relationship with Marduk that I’m still figuring out. Like, I’m not super drawn to Him, but he keeps kinda showing up in my practice when I’m really trying to focus on deities that were worshiped more in earlier historical periods. But I did name my LLC after Him/Jupiter in a way, so maybe I should start paying more attention to Him? idk. Right now, since I’m doing the underworld part of this initiation, in addition to Inanna, I’m more focused on Ereshkigal.

Fiber Magick – Crochet Projects

Aside from my religious/spiritual activities, over the last couple months in my free time I’ve also been getting back into crochet and I started taking an improv class. I know I try a lot of different hobbies. I’m not sure if improv is going to be another all-consuming interest or if it is going to become one of the many different art forms I cycle back and forth between. It’s too early to tell, but so far I am really enjoying it and I plan on taking the next class after this one is over.

Anyway, in this post I wanted to share some of my recent crochet projects. I got a book called “Fiber Magick,” which shows how to use fiber arts, particularly crochet, as part of magickal workings. I love being able to combine my different interests together, and crochet is particularly well-suited for crafting magickal items.

My favorite project I made from that book is my prayer shawl. It was made using basic stitches and was an easy pattern, but it is the largest project I’ve crocheted so far. The pink/black/purple yarn (Lion Brand Mandala Ombré in Felicity) represents love, protection, and spirituality. The blue border (Lion Brand Mandala Ombré in Harmony) represents Inanna. I also thought I was clever using Lion Brand yarn for something representing Inanna. Its one of my favorite yarn brands I’ve tried so far anyway. I’ve been wearing my prayer shawl during my daily devotionals to Inanna since I finished it.

I also made this Goddess of Journeys poppet project from Fiber Magick. Instead of using it for protection on physical journeys, I made mine to represent Ninshubur, who I usually evoke when doing spiritual journeying work to help guide me back should I get into trouble. I gave her a staff, which I made by writing out the part of the Descent myth where Ninshubur asks for Enki’s help in rescuing Inanna from the Underworld on a piece of parchment, rolling it up like a scroll, and crocheting all around it.

I also made a bunch of the smaller projects like spell bags, drawstring storage bags for crystals/herbs/etc, and appliques (which were called “sigils” in the book, but aren’t really what I think of when I think of sigils. I’m just using these as charms and decorations).

(I’m back dating this post, because I originally wrote it weeks ago, and forgot to come back and add the pictures and publish it. 4/23/2024)

Descent

I started the descent portion of my initiatory journey through Rod and Ring last month. This ritual was the most intense part of this working so far, as one would expect continuing deeper down the path.

In the week or so before beginning my descent, I noticed a couple of strange signs/coincidences that seemed to coincide with my upcoming descent into the underworld. For maybe a week or so, a bunch of big flies got into the house somehow. I never did figure out where they were coming from. According to the Seek app, these were blue blowflies, which are commonly associated with death and decay. Apparently forensics experts can use this species to identify how long a body has been dead and that sort of thing. I think I counted 7 by the time they stopped appearing in the house.

Then I found a dried up worm on the floor inside the closet of my temple room. I have no idea how it could have gotten there. I do have a worm bin downstairs in the laundry room, but there is no reasonable way that one could have gotten all the way through the house, up the stairs, and into the closet. I was a bit grossed out, not gonna lie, so I put the worm in my compost bucket and took it outside to perform the funerary rite I use for the mice that the neighborhood cats like to bring to me in my garden. It’s very simple, I created it before I was comfortable enough to be open about my religious practices, so it is very low-key so as not to draw attention from neighbors. I simply bury the subject in a specific area of the garden that I have dedicated for this purpose, and I light a few incense sticks as an offering (and to hide the smell from scavengers – though this isn’t really an issue with the worm). In more seasonable times of year, I’ll also lay fresh flowers over the grave for the same reasons. Then I just quietly say a quick prayer to Ereshkigal to welcome the creature into her realm. I don’t know if the Sumerians actually had any kind of beliefs about animals in the afterlife, but this feels like the right thing to do, so its what I do.

Anyway, when I got back inside, I realized that the worm and the flies were probably connected to the descent ritual I was about to undertake, so I felt less creeped out. It is always nice to receive a warm welcome when arriving somewhere new (or returning to a place, as the case may be).

I prepared a black garment/robe to use in the rituals, as prescribed by the book. I also made a black veil to incorporate into the rituals. I felt like Ereshkigal was pushing me to add that. The robe I’m using exclusively during the Rod and Ring rituals, whereas I’m using the veil in the main R&R rituals as well as in supplemental rituals I’m adding in throughout the journey. It really adds something to the atmosphere of the ritual to help me get into the headspace of going down into the underworld.

My robe/”burial shroud” and veil.

I was at Kalahari for a few days before the new moon because my husband’s job sent him to a conference there, meaning I got a free mini-vacation. I used this as an opportunity to prepare for my journey across the River Huber. I essentially spent three days mentally collecting water-based imagery and physical sensations to use during the ritual experience while meditating in the lazy river/wave pool/hot tub bar. For the first time, I really figured out how to use alcohol for entheogenic purposes – it’s actually really great for finding the sacred within the profane if you don’t over do it. I try not to drink too much nowadays after the whole breast cancer thing, but when in Rome! I sort-of turned my free mini-vacation into my own little private spiritual retreat (all those fake shamans who run those expensive “spiritual retreat” things would hate me!), which culminated with doing the actual rituals after we got home.

As far as the ritual itself, it was such an intense, emotional, and beautiful experience. I was literally trembling as I put on my black garment, and again as I crossed over the river. What struck me the most was that traveling to the underworld felt in no way scary to me. I was overcome with a profound sense of peace, love, and awe. I got this feeling like everything was just perfect and as it should be, and that as long as I didn’t try to fight it everything would be just fine. The underworld isn’t something to fear. Ereshkigal is often portrayed as “scary” and “cold,” but believe that is simply the human fear of the unknown being projected upon her. There is no escaping death, but at least She is there to care for you when you do get there. I got a sense that she is more nurturing and loving, if misunderstood, than she is often given credit for. I’m sure I’ll get a clearer sense once I proceed through the gates and meet her face-to-face.

The rituals in the descent section are meant to be performed three months apart, so I won’t be proceeding through the gates until April’s new moon. I am planning on working through the rituals from Samuel’s other book, The Red Shepherd during the months that I’m not actively working on Rod and Ring.

Since beginning my descent, I have set up a shrine to Ereshkigal. I’ve also moved Geshtinanna’s statue to Ereshkigal’s shrine for the time being, as this is the time of year when Geshtinanna is in the underworld.

My shrine to Ereshkigal and Geshtinanna. I’m still working on it. It needs an altar cloth of some type and I want to make sculpture based on the Burney Relief to put in the back. For Ereshkigal’s statue, I used a bit of the extra netting from my ritual veil to create her veil.

I’ve also started veiling as a way of symbolically reminding myself of my current place in the underworld, and that I belong to Ereshkigal just as much as I belong to Inanna. I’ve been wearing lacy headscarves to do this, like those triangle ones that were popular in the early 2000s. It’s a subtle enough style that it doesn’t draw too much attention, but is still true to what I believe the gods want of me. When I want to wear a different hat or hair accessory, I also consecrate it in the same way as the scarves/veils so they can be used in the same way. I’m using mainly lacy black scarves because they kind of remind me of a less conspicuous version of Victorian mourning veils. I’m planning on continuing to do this until I depart the underworld and have left my clay replacement.

Apparently veiling is already a thing in the pagan community, though I haven’t seen anyone say they’re doing it for quite the same reason. I don’t think I’ve heard of any other Mesopotamian polytheists doing it for any reason, though I haven’t spent a whole lot of time researching the subject.